No resolutions

I've decided this year to not make any resolutions. This year, I plan something totally different. This year, I lift all my weaknesses, all my hopes, all my faults, all my negatives, all my dreams, all my....well, just all my everything to the Lord. I can't do anything without Him anyway, so why even try? Why not just give everything to the One who will walk me through whatever I face? 'Nuff said!

So, as I sit here listening to my son have a meltdown at the XBox (another one of those "why bother" moments b/c they always get over it....I think it's a "guy thing" b/c I would have just said 'heck with it' a LOOOOOONG time ago!)....where was I? Oh yes, so as I sit here typing this & listening to my son & chase the dog away from chewing on EVERYthing (yes, he's destroyed a cell phone [talk about embarrassing "my dog ate it" when I called the insurance company], a tv remote, apparently loves the taste of beer...the list goes on!)...I think about how I'm anxious for the boys to go to their dad's for the w/e. And then I feel guilty...what kind of mother am I? I think that's another thing I'll be working on with God for the new year. But then He reminded me of a family here in town. Their boys were on the way home from our local high school for Christmas break on a windy road, too fast. Had an accident & the 14 year old died on the scene. They were coming home. Excited. Anticipating the holidays. Hoping for snow. Then in a moment, it's ALL gone. ALL. Life as they knew it is OVER. My heart still breaks for them. I'm sure they'd LOVE to listen to him yell at his XBox. I cry when I think of that & just listen to mine. Well, okay, and correct him & tell him to stop. I AM a Mom afterall ;o} ! Thanks for the reminder, Lord. And please be with that family & all the friends Reed leaves behind.

I pray God's grace in your lives this coming year, dear BB's.

In Christ's abiding love ~ Merana

SERIOUSLY???!!!

Oh my GOSH!!!! Seriously....I haven't been on here since October 24? I mean, I KNEW it had been far too long, but I've missed THAT much!?! No wonder I've been feeling an enormous sense of withdrawal!

I know everyone is so busy at this time of year, but mine has been C-R-A-Z-Y! In addition to preparing for BOTH of my kids' birthdays, I've also been busy with Halloween sleepover, regular sleepovers, regular everyday life of a single parent, an enormous amount of things to do at work to where I can't even get on to read some posts, we remodeled the office at work (paint, carpet...involving moving everything out & back in again), getting Christmas gifts, and {smiles} now we've added to our family. We haven't had pets for about 5 years & I've never owned a dog in my life. So there's been a lot of adjusting & learning going on. Below, let me introduce you to Batman (the cat) & Flash (the dog). Needless to say, it's been an INTERESTING 6 weeks or so in my life. FAAAAAR too busy for my taste, but this w/e I'm finally able to slow it down a notch or two & breathe.

So, I wanted to let you all know that I've missed you terribly....(and yes, hope you've missed me as well!)....and I pray for those of you I know have special things going on in your lives for which you could use prayer warriors. I may not have been able to read your posts, but you've been in my heart!

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving was blessed & that this most holy season is sacred and precious for each of you!

Hugs & love ~ Merana

Old Writing #3

The Significance of My Prayers

The human mind cannot even begin to comprehend all that is God.

As I pray, I thank the Lord for His love, His peace, His strength, and His time to listen to lil 'ol me.

Then is dawns on me: "Boy, I'm acting like I'm the only one who exists. I'm communicating with God as if I'm the only one on the phone with Him." I then begin to understand that I am NOT the only one. While He hears me and I sit quietly to hear Him speak with me, I realize He's also communicating with other believers.

He's performing miracles of healing, protection, conception, and birth. He's comforting those who are hurting, both physically and emotionally. He's guiding His children who are lost in the dark. He is welcoming our loved ones home. He is leading people to food and shelter. He's providing a friend in time of need. He is forgiving us our sins. He is opening His heart to those who give their hearts freely to Him.

He is in every conversation. He is creating the day before me, the songs the birds sing, the glorious sunrise, the arching rainbow, the tranquil river's flow, the gentle rain, the warm breeze, or the invigorating cold. He is sending the butterfly to spread its colorful wings as it lands on a fragrant flower.

He is doing all these things and more, while I sit here praying what must seem to Him such a simple prayer. But the thing is, I also realize that I have His undivided attention. Even my most mundane chores matter to Him. He knows the number of hairs on my head (Luke 12:7) and He knew all there was to me before I was even in my mother's womb (Jerremiah 1:5a and Psalm 139:13).

If He can do all these things, as He unconditionally opens His heart to me, how can I possibly not believe that even my most simple prayers aren't already being answered?

Smaller Books of the Bible (Part 1)

I have been reading the smaller books of the Bible lately, having just felt compelled by the Spirit to do so. WOW is all I can say! Ya know those moments in time when you're left awe-struck, speechless, flabbergasted...almost dumbfounded, as it finally registers...you finally "get" it? That's been happening for me in reading these smaller books (of which I will definitely be posting more).

I overslept this a.m., and didn't have time to read my Bible before the rigors of the day set in. But, somehow, I just felt drawn to it, as though a light was eminating from it, and my curious nature had to investigate. Two simple chapters & bam....God pierced my very spirit...not to convict me, but more to claim me further into Him. It was as tho' He's pulled me into one of those "bear hugs" of an embrace...and enlightenment, that apparently has alluded me, is now mine! Tears brimmed my lashes, to spill down my cheek, at how loved I suddenly felt.

Please read Hosea 2, where the header says "Israel Punished & Restored". That's my life written there. Ok, here me out on this. This isn't a confession of adultery as we think of it, but certainly adultery against the Lord. The verses that really got to me said, "...I will make her like a desert, turn her into a parched land, and slay her with thirst." Yes, every avenue I tried was dried up, and I was thirsty for more. Then "Therefore I will block her path..." Check - path blocked (decidedly so!)! Then "She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them." Oh yeah, I looked for someone to share my life with for years, always meeting the wrong type. Then, "She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave..." That's true. I tried to take the credit for it all. Next, "So now I will expose her ... no one will take her out of my hands." And He did just that...except He exposes me, to me! I never saw how much I was struggling trying so desperately to meet someone. I had gone SO long without love, with only negativity, then loneliness, that I was grasping at straws & the caliber of man I would allow myself to settle for was .... ummm, let's just say not good.

Well, after the last incident of yet another winner in the game of Merana's Loserama, I gave up, gave in, said "enough is enough". I gave it to Him. And He has been faithful to teach me so very much in myself that I never saw before. So, as I read "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her." And thus, healing begins. To be followed - "I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD. "In that day I will respond," declares the LORD..."

I know love awaits me at some point. But this time, it will be centered in Christ. God has shown me that I cannot trust myself, because clearly I cannot chose well. He has saved me countless times from mistakes I was about to make. Those "saves" hurt a lot! But what could have happened would have hurt much worse. Not just me, but most especially my children. I rather view it as vaccinations. They hurt like the dickens when you get them, but they protect against a deadly disease. The Lord has indeed led me to the desert to speak to me, with loving admonishment. For now, I rather like it here! I'm lonely at times, certainly. But, He has blessed me so much in this time in the desert that I can clearly see I don't have time in my life right now to share it with someone new...not in the way you need to share with that someone special. So, I'll just wait until He deems the time is right for me, in His time.

But someday, Lord....???? I remain hope-filled....and just dig on these treasures you reveal. Thank you, Father, for knowing & loving me more than I do myself!

Tying things together

I'm reading "Adventuring Through the Bible" by Ray Stedman, as I read different chapters in my Bible. It's a phenomenal book - full of insight and guidance for those areas that confuse me, and just his writing style lends itself to sitting down with a carrying mentor whom you can come to with questions. I highly recommend this book to anyone. I have found an online version of it here. Take the time to refer to it as you feel led to do. You won't be sorry.

Now....for what I got this past week from it, that tied in wonderfully with the message my pastor delivered last Sunday at church. I've almost finished reading Daniel now....what a book of faith and hope! Stedman writes the following about that book that I just felt led to share with you:

The evil of our age is subtle, but it is undeniably widespread and Satan-inspired. Good is more powerful. Its effect in human society in relationship to the evil around it is far greater than it ever has been before. These two contrasting forces are at work in human society, but neither shall overpower the other. Both good and evil are headed for a final conflict: The Bible records in various passages that, an one precise moment in history, God will directly intervene in human affairs.

Ultimately, ever nation and every individual serves God - willingly or not. Even if a great king renounces God ten times over, even if he sets himself against God, relentlessly and defiantly, God is sovereign, and He works all events, all human choices, all satanic chaos, into His perfect and beautiful plan. None...can resist the will of God nor interfere with the plan of God.

The choice that you and I have is a choice between being willing or unwilling tools in God's hand - whether we receive the blessings that come from obedience, or the judgment that issues from rebellion. Our God is a living God, and He is at work in the affairs of human beings and nations. We need not fear, even though the terrors of evil nations rise up around us. God controls everything, and we who walk with God will ultimately overcome.

Now, last week my pastor presented a message entitled "God's Cure for Fearing the Future", and he focused on Psalm 23:6 - Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Here are some highlights (I'm an avid notetaker during service!) ;o} ...

1. Bad things will happen in our lives...but good will follow. We can expect something good to come out of everything we face! Psalm 145:13b ~ The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.
2. Because of his omnipresence, God's already been in our future...so we have no need to fear it...because God will be there and he already knows what's coming. Romans 8:28 ~ We know that all that happens to us is working for our good IF we love God and are called according to His purpose. Not all things are good, but good will come (or referencing Ps. 23:6, good will follow).
3. Isaiah 60:10 ~ I will have mercy on you through my grace. Grace is the fact that God gives us what we need, not what we deserve!!! Psalm 103:10 ~ he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. Mercy is grace in action! When we understand grace and mercy, we "get" that we don't need to fear the future.

God is good...all the time. All the time...God is good!

Old Writing #2

I share with you now another old writing. I haven't been on here much at all for over a week & have some time (well, not really....but I'm sneaking it anyway!) now to check in on my BB's (bloggin' buddies!). I read one of my favorite places to rest a bit & commented the following, which God told me to share with all of you.

When we ask "what did I do to deserve this?", the Holy Spirit just shared with me, "because I trust you with it". WOW - God trusts me with whatever heartache, challenge, struggle, brokenness I'm facing? YES...so His light can shine all the brighter, and His strength can be made known in my weakness! Take heart, dear ones!!! And remember...you are...ALWAYS ENOUGH

I am always enough in God's eyes:

... even when I feel I can't seem to do anything right
... even when I feel that nobody cares
...even when I look different than others due to scarring, deformity, or handicap
...even when I look at myself with disappointment in the mirror be my size too tall, too short, too thin, or too large
...even when I frequently forget things
...even when I see my gray hairs, or no hair at all
...even when I can't get around as good as I used to
...even when it's harder to hear and to see
...even when I have a dispute with someone I care for
...even when I have problems that seem insurmountable
...even when...well, just "even when"...

I am always enough in His eyes because:

~ I am the shoulder for others to cry on
~ I am the comforting arms to rock a sick or scared child back to sleep, or to kiss away a boo-boo
~ I am here to send an encouarging note when someone feels down in despair
~ I am able to offer a light-hearted laugh when someone simply wants to forget the problems of the world
~ I am what helps make up the loving foundation for a home
~ I am the friend to offer a comforting word or hug when someone so desperate needs it
~ I am the proud parent cheering in the stands
~ I am the one who doesn't even have to say or do anyting at all, but just to "be there"
~ I am the child who carries the legacy of my parent's love that has been given me
~ I am the hand to hold and the ear to listen, not just "hear"

~ And, I am a small extension personifying the Great I AM, simply to serve others for Him...in reverential gratitude for His sacrifice for me.

Old Writing #1

Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light for my path (Psalm 119:105)

You will light my way along unfamiliar paths (Isaiah 42:16)


(photo credit: whitewolfjourneys.com)

I wrote this quite awhile back. God has been putting on my heart to share my writings with the world, and even helped me recently find these, as I had forgotten I even wrote them. He's told me point blank to post these...because someone out there desperately needs what these have to say. And now I know that to be even more true, because Satan has tried all kinds of tricks to keep this from posting (as I'm sitting here putting it all together for the 3rd time in the past hour....but this time with a prayer of protection around it lifted up first!). Be blessed by it, dear friends! ~ Merana


In the darkness Lord, You are the light.

~ Just as the gentle flicker of a candle flame, you penetrate the blackness.

~ In brilliance, you pierce through the obscurity.

~ When I lose my way Lord, You are the lighted windows welcoming me home.

~ You are the firelight where I curl up for warmth & comfort.

~ As I navigate through the channels of life, you are the lighthouse beacon to steer me on my course to reach safe harbor.

~ As I read your Word, your lamplight enlightens me.

~ You are my protective night light to chase away the scary monsters in life.

~ You, Lord God, are the searchlights in the night that reach heavenward to broadcast your love.

~ You are an usher with a flashlight seating me where it is best for me in life’s theater.

~ In emergencies, you are the track lighting on the floor to lead me to the nearest exit where you wait with loving arms.

~ You are the harbor lights, dear Father, leading me ever closer to shore.

~ You show me the brake lights in order that I may stop before harm comes my way.

~ Your neon lights flash “Love Here for the Taking”

~ Abba, You are my stage lights to showcase my talents with which you have blessed me.

~ Your street lights show me the way as I continue on life’s journey.

~ Your headlights are on high beam, to illuminate dark roads traveled, and to share with others the glory of your love.

~ Your light is much more beautiful than the most glorious sunset, Lord – and there is no dimmer.

~ And then you are the bright, quiet beauty of the full moon to fill the night sky.


Thank you Lord, God, for being my lamp and my light. I have found that there is beauty...and peace...and rest in the light!

You are missed

I have been busier than busy....nothing special....just the life of a single mom. Usually (a'hum/cough/cough/sputter/sputter) I would check in at work.....but haven't been able to do that. I have SO many blog ideas of things I want....no NEED...to post. I miss you all TERRIBLY. I haven't even read Spiritual Sundays....OH THE WITHDRAWAL!!!!!! I hope to be back in gear this w/e when the boys go to their dad's. In the meantime, please pray for me. It may sound trite, but my oldest & I are NOT getting along (& my problem is that he reminds me so much of my ex.....perhaps even more so feeding the problem???). I miss you terribly! Hugs ~ Merana

Once again...it's all about the timing (Hidden Treasure #2)

Latest buried gem discovered out of nowhere:

Psalm 106:13-15 (NIV)
13 But they soon forgot what he had done and did not wait for his counsel. 14 In the desert they gave in to their craving; in the wasteland they put God to the test. 15 So he gave them what they asked for, but sent a wasting disease upon them.

I've quoted C.S. Lewis before, but it just SO fits this Scripture..."There are those who say, 'God's will be done, and there are others to whom God says, 'Alright then, have it your way.'"

Waiting is probably the hardest thing we do as Christians. As members of the human race, I suppose we should all be considered toddlers: "I want what I want, and I want it NOW!" But like my friend, Sharon, commented in my previous post, we must remember that "waiting has something to teach me, too"!!

Psalm 19:21 (NIV) ~ Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

As Marcia Hollis says in God Meets Us Where We Are, "We make our plans, tell God what we intend to do, and then travel for quite a while before we realize that he simply isn't with us! It isn't that he leaves us on purpose...or shows us who's really boss. It's just that in the rush and hurry to get something done, ... we leave him far behind, lost in the crowd."

Often this is how I think God must look at me:

"Again!?!" and, I've heard Him clear as day say to me: "Would you please stop getting in the way and interfering with the plans I have for you!?!!!"

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) ~ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I never really looked at it that way before, but I guess He certainly can't bring about those plans if we're always trying to do things our way, instead of waiting for His way... ;o} !!! (Ok, I know He doesn't look at me this way, really....probably more of a throw the hands up in the air, shake His head & say "there she goes again!")

Hollis continues, "If we try to go ahead of God's enabling Power, we will have to retrace our steps." We must remember ... Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV) ~ The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

It escapes our consciousness, I believe, that He has to work everything out along the line in order for everything to fall into place just right. He starts here ...

but there is much that needs to be done in order to get here....where He places the final piece of the intricate puzzle of our lives....us! It's rather like the interconnectedness we find here...

I rather like to pray as Henri J.M. Nouwen does, "Dear God, I am full of wishes, full of desires, full of expectations. Some of them may be realized, many may not, but in the midst of all my satisfactions and disappointments, I hope in you. I know that you will never leave me alone and will fulfill your divine promises. Even when it seems that things are not going my way, I know that they are going your way and that, in the end, your way is the best way for me. O Lord, strengthen my hope, especially when my many wishes are not fulfilled. Let me never forget that your name is Love. Amen."

Strengthen my hope indeed .... Romans 8:24b-25 (NIV) ~ But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

And remember .... Hebrews 6:18-19 (NIV) ~ ... it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.

And just as Elisa Morgan said in I'm Tired of Waiting!,

"God is worthy to be trusted and believed, even when he appears inactive."

Please join us for Spiritual Sundays! You will find such an abundance of His grace here!

Timing is Everything (Hidden Treasure #1)

I simply love reading Scripture, especially in my devotional Bible. I love how quoted sections of author's books are interspersed throughout my Bible with related verses of the Word. It always brings something to my attention that I never "saw" before, even though I've read that particular passage several times. But more importantly, I love how the Holy Spirit brings to mind another part of Scripture that ties in perfectly...as well as other authors whose books I've read, from my collection of book quotes (although my collection is but dust on the bookcase of friends like Clif or Jan ... admittedly, because I mostly go to the library!)

Now...this little gem of hidden treasure came out of nowhere, as is often the case ;o} ! You know those are the ones the Lord really wants you to find...you know, yet another one of those "God things" that happens when you turn to part of the Bible you weren't intending to read, but you were drawn to it! (I love those times the best!)

Habakkuk 2:3 ~ The the Lord replied...For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.

which reminded me of ...

Ecclesiastes 3:11 ~ He has made everthying beautiful in its time.

which took me to...

Psalm 5:3 ~ ...in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation (see that?...expecting your answer to come...not hoping, but expecting!)

and then progressed into ...

Psalm 37:7 ~ Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him... (v. 28) For the Lord loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones.


Judith Couchman writes in Lord, Have You Forgotten Me? Thirty Devotions to Encouarge You When Life Lets You Down, "There's a mystique about timing. When it's right, it's fabulous. When it's wrong, it's a disaster. It takes listening to the inner self to make it work. We know he's capable of doing anything, but we get impatient waiting for God. We forget that he waits for the right timing too. In fact, he knows perfect timing, even though it looks illogical to us. His ways are not our ways, and neither are his timetables our timetables. But when we wait for his timing, nothing can compare with its abiding impact on us."

And Ruth Graham says in In Every Pew Sits a Broken Heart, "...do not expect instant results. Simply expect God's results, for his results are always good."

Then I was reminded of a post by someone I follow that said, "Trusting God means we don't have to have all the answers." And what hit me right upside the head (ya know...Gibbs to Tony, NCIS thing) is...it's just that simple, just that black & white, no gray area...we either trust Him, or we don't! If we're going to believe one thing in Scripture, then we have to believe it all, or none of it is worth believing.

I believe Karen Kingsbury said (I forgot to write down the author & book when I wrote down this quote, but I believe I'm remembering correctly), "God doesn't forget any of us. We can't possibly know the good the Lord has in store for us, for His love and grace know no end if we will just trust - trust until it hurts and the Lord has an opportunity to work in our lives."

In His loving grace ~ Merana

Football!!!!

Are you ready for some FOOTBALL!?!!!!! Ok, so I know technically football season started last week, but I didn't have the boys last weekend, so it's just not the same. Today will be all about cheese sticks with marinara, hot wings with bleu cheese, and yummo chili!

This is our "craft tree". We decorate it for the different seasons/holidays. Jan-white & silver snowflakes, Feb-add hearts to Jan., Mar-white & green with shamrocks, Apr-Easter goodies & spring flowers, May-keep the spring flowers 'til week of Memorial Day, then all red/white/blue, June - purples & greens & summery colored decorations made from scrapbook paper, July & August back to the red/white/blue, Oct-Halloween decoration the boys made when they were younger, Nov-fall flowers & leaves & ribbon, Dec-obviously Christmas.

But Sept. is saved for THIS GUY...our FOOTBALL TREE!
The twirlies are just chenille sticks (pipe cleaners) wrapped around a pencil, then went to the Steelers & Ravens websites & copied jerseys & other things they sell & printed it on cardstock to cut out, and the footballs are just cut out of scrapbook paper. My older son & I love the Steelers & my younger son loves the Ravens (gets interesting in our house when they play each other...actually, my younger son will usually go to his dad's so they can cheer for the Ravens together). Anyway, we LOVE making this craft tree. Loads of fun...football season is just the best!

Praying for everyone's safety...players, refs, fans, tailgaters, those watching games at different establishments, all! Let the games begin!

GO STEELERS! (and Ravens!) ;o}

My house

Ok, I confess to being brought to beyond the absolute breaking point in my faith. Not at the end of my rope, but hanging on to the very last thread of that shredded, unraveled rope. It was the worst experience in my life...worse that the death of my mother and of my marriage falling apart at the same time. Ever been to this place?

Several years ago I was praying constantly about a situation in my life. I was so undecided what to do when the Holy Spirit told me to proceed on a certain path. Knowing Satan as I do, I spoke the name of Jesus and commanded Satan to flee as I asked the Lord again if this was the road God wanted me to travel. Now, previously the Holy Spirit told me point blank when I was torn with a decision I was asking for guidance about, was "if you don't have a peace about it, it's not from me". Ok, so in this situation I had that peace...excitement even!

So I traveled down that path. And everything didn't fall apart, or simply not go the way I hoped & planned for....no, it blew up in my face, big time. I was so hurt, so disillusioned, so devastated, so disgusted....and then so mad. I was furious at God and I let Him know it in no uncertain terms. My spirit felt utterly destroyed...as if it was totally disconnected to my person...like part of me just died that day.

I remember being at my friend, Kathleen's, house just sobbing & I just slid down the cabinets into a heap on the floor. I was living a crushed, devastated, destroyed spirit. It was more than just not getting what I wanted to believe was going to happen, what was going to be the best. It was about feeling utterly betrayed and led astray by the one Person I should be able to trust with everything. And I'll tell ya...it's a true friend who will turn off dinner on the stove and join you in that heap on the floor, with tears streaming down her face too. (looking back now, I realize that was one of the greatest blessings in the mess of my life! Thank you, dear Kathleen....you will never understand what that gesture of your sweet, loving spirit did to carry me through!)

I admit that my faith was gone! I railed at God, "I did what You told me to do and this is what I get in return? This is what believing in You means? It's all a lie. No thanks! I want no part of it or You." So yes...Satan won...he got another one. I have never felt more devastated in my life. Not only did my human side hurt, but my spirit hurt. I understood wailing.

Well, after a few days of yelling at God, or snide comments to Him, it occurred to me, 'why are you still talking to Him if you say you don't believe in Him?' Hmmm??? Why indeed! Well, what I didn't remember...and Satan chose to ignore...is that the battle is the Lord's, just like 1 Samuel 17:47 tells us.

God spoke right into my broken, devastated heart and told me, "Yes, daughter, I allowed your house of faith to be destroyed just like a tornado will do...
...your house wasn't as strong as you thought it was.

But what's left after you clear the debris?
The foundation. And it is upon that foundation WE are going to build a bigger, and much stronger, house of faith together...one that can withstand the storms much better. He revealed that there is only so much you can try to bury away and keep the doors closed & locked in your spirit of not dealing with issues. You have to deal with everything in life eventually...even when your house is destroyed. So, through shaking uncertainty, I said, "Ok Lord, I'm still really upset with you, but I will help you build."

And, as always, He was right to do it. My house was nowhere near as strong as I thought it was. And it was revealed months later that had I been "successful" in traveling that path....well, let's just say it would have impacted my life in one of the most negative manners I've ever experienced. So, in allowing this devastation, He was really saving me and my children ....as He always does.... and He was building me stronger.

And I admit that several years after that, I had another really bad scrape in my faith. But the house still stood! I had warning signs that I chose to ignore, so I have no one to blame but myself. But it's what finally led to surrender. I still was holding on to "control" of my life (that's just such a misnomer!). But this last time, I finally gave up completely...total & complete surrender to His plans for my life. And He has blessed me tremendously!

This blog was born from that. What a blessing this has become in my life with all the lovely friends I have made here. I only pray that some of what I say reaches into your spirits and encourages you with what He knows you need. That is why I'm here. Not for me. But to reach you for Him....sort of as a channel you turn to on the tv that captivates you and speaks right into your soul with what you desperately need to hear. I leave that up to Him. I know He will direct everyone here who needs to read exactly what He wants them to know...to assure them that even through this means....He is with you always!

I know there will be future trials, but for now....I'm praising & reveling in where He's brought me...and fortifying my house with devoted time in Him.

Blessings & love in Him ~ Merana

Please visit Spiritual Sundays for inspiring posts of fellow believers!

TV time...

Ok....so....I don't watch a lot of tv. But, next to blogging, Netflix is my best friend who keeps me company when the boys go to their father's for a weekend.

Who says you can't get anything of any value from tv? I picked these little gems up just this past weekend. Enjoy!

"Some of the best lessons are learned from past mistakes. The error of the past is the wisdom of the future." (Dale Turner, quoted on Criminal Minds)

"Anyone can achieve their fullest potential. Who we are might be predetermined. The path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectation of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed, but it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one." (from NCIS [my favorite show!], episode "Endgame") Now, of course, I don't agree with this entirely....our destiny can be changed completely....by giving it to Christ!

Iceberg

I view the part visible above the surface to be my level of faith the world can see. But the important part is that which is beneath the surface....the power of Almighty God behind me. He is the driving force to all that I can do! Praise you, Jesus! Have a fabulously delicious day, my BB's! ~ Merana

Please watch

This is one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. I pray it will touch you as it has me!

http://www.godtube.com/featured/video/i-was-there-september-11-tribute

Lost

I have felt an uneasy, discombobulated, restlessness deep within my spirit this week. So much is bouncing around in there, that even with prayer, I'm finding no sense of cohesion. I cannot formulate a thought process from beginning to conclusion. I can't concentrate. Everything is random. I know God wants to say something...but what? I try to gather myself here before you.

I think part of what has me held captive is that lovely "September Blue". I know you know it. Remember that glorious shade of blue the sky held on 9-11-01? I've been blessed to see that a lot this week. And I always get very reflective the week before 9-11. I always spend some time during this week looking through my magazines and a book I got at a yard sale introducing us to know a bit about every person who died that day, with a picture of them. And I always watch the 9-11 documentary that just happened to be being filmed at a fire company when this tragic day occurred. The film captures so much, I'm amazed even after all the times I watch it. I always watch the people in it & wonder, 'did you make it out? did you?' And then to watch what takes place inside the building as they realize it's coming down on top of them. I bawl my eyes out every single time. Now, I know some people will say I shouldn't subject myself to this, but I'm always going to! I'm not trying to be macarbre. I'm not trying to stay focused in the past. But it's my simple way of respecting those people whose lives were changed forever that day, and to honor those who lost their lives. I can't NOT do it. I keep all these things in what I call my "9-11 Box", which, presently, I cannot locate...it's been misplaced from recent work I had done on the house. Furthering my sense of restlessness.

So many times in life we find ourselves lost ... or just feeling as if we are lost ... you know, when you feel hopeless, like there's no purpose, nothing makes sense no matter how hard you try to analyze it, there's no clear sense of which direction to head. It's rather like this...

aimless, endless, barren, with storm clouds overhead!

I'm so in love with Michael Buble's song, "Lost", as I've posted before. The lyrics speak right to my soul: Life can show no mercy, it can tear your soul apart, it can make you feel like you've gone crazy but you're not. Things have seemed to change. There's one thing that's still the same. In my heart you have remained. And we can fly, fly, fly away. 'Cause you are not alone. And I am there with you. And we'll get lost together, til the light comes pouring through. 'Cause when you feel like you're done, and the darkness has won. Babe, you're not lost. When the worlds crashing down, and you can't bear the cross, I said, baby, you're not lost! Every time I hear it, I swear I feel like it's the Lord singing it right into my spirit, reassuring my spirit...we are NOT lost!

I associate so much in life with music. I can hear a song & instantly be taken back...the song remembers when. I recently heard a song that always reminds me of one of the stupidest mistakes I've ever made (of which there are many, admittedly). Every time I would hear that song, I'd switch to the next song so I didn't have to deal with the emoutional upheaval hearing it would bring. But this week, as I reached to hit the 'next' button, something stronger held me in place & said, "NO! You need to listen to it this time. You need to stop deflecting & ignoring & burying & hiding. You need to suck it up & deal with the pain this song evokes. But, oh my gosh, is God beautiful & faithful to heal! This time I heard it not from my perspective, but from His. The lyrics he brought to the forefront are poignant: Spinning on another wheel, goin' round in slow motion. You can make a better life, you're just waiting for the right moment. You can find another way, you're just waiting for the right moment. When you gonna reach out, only you can turn your world around. When you gonna let go, and forget about the life you knew. When will you surrender, and wake up to the real. Now you know that it's all borrowed time, and still you waste another day. But you watch and you wait for a sign...all along the way. ("The Right Moment" by Gerry Rafferty)

I believe we all must somehow become lost in order to be found. "Only you can turn your world around" like it says above. We must make the choice to invite Christ in. No one can do it for us. When we're lost, He will light our way. We have that assurance. Isaiah 42:16 ~ I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

Thank you, Father, for taking all the negatives and making them positive...just like you promised you would. But thank you most, Lord God, for extending your hand to take mine and show me the way. May the paths I travel bring comfort to others and reach them in ways that only you know they need. Please just direct me when I'm at the crossroads to take the path you would have me take, light the way for me, and direct my steps. In Jesus' holy, and most precious name. Amen

Arms Wide Open

If we believe that God love us equally, we understand that He loves all of fellow mankind who don't quite live up to the righteousness that we, as Christians, are called to do. And we need to realize that His love also transcends time. We cannot think for a moment that He loves us any less than the Israelites He saved over & over ... delivering them countless times (often from themselves!). So those promises He made to them stand true for us still. Just as He made a covenant with them, we are in covenant with Him. When I read in Scripture of how many times they turned their back on Him, yet He never left them...never stopped loving them, I am so reassured. Now certainly, He let them get what they had coming to them often...as any good parent would in order to teach their children a lesson of value. But never once did He turn His back on them, as they did to Him.

Remember the game "I love you thiiiiiis much!" with outstretched arms? Well, that's what God does! The only thing we need to do is lose our inhibition & run into those arms that are ready to scoop us up & pull us in to the most loving, welcoming, warm embrace that permeates our very being.

We need to let let go of looking at God solely as "Father", and start viewing Him as "Daddy"... a lap we can curl up into, lay our head against His chest, and pour out our hearts to find the solace for which we're crying out. Can't you just almost hear that heartbeat...boom-boom, My grace, boom-boom, My mercy, boom-boom, My love, boom-boom, My peace?!

Now I realize that this is almost like wrapping your mind around some type of fantasy. And I know it's especially hard for those who had/have an absentee dad, or an abusive dad, or even just a disinterested dad....much like Mack in The Shack.

For me, I have such distrust of men because I have been hurt so much by those I trusted most with my innermost hopes, fears, and dreams who used those things back on me as weapons. Or those who look upon me as strictly an object of lust, not affection - even those I thought were only friends. Or those so disinterested that I begin feeling insignificant/lacking in some way. But, God has been so patient with me. He opened my heart to see that that's why I wouldn't trust Him....because He was a "he". We're working on that road to recovery. He says now, "Don't be afraid to meet men. You don't have to trust them. Just trust ME with those people I bring into your life." I'm still not there yet...admittedly, a work in progress! Truthfully...I'm content to wait!

Always...this is where I chose to be! Ah, can't you just imagine yourself here?

"No arms, No legs, No worries!" -- Nick Vujicic

What a phenomenal man! Next time I think I have it bad, Lord....I'll just shut up! Thank you for what you've done in his life that he might inspire others for you & speak to your grace & mercy!

Satan's a genius....

I've come to the conclusion that Satan is a genius. Well ok, maybe not genius, but he sure does know each of us. Think about how many people there are in the world. And he figures out exactly what "gets" to us...each and every one of us (because we're all different). Just think about how much work that must be for him and his forces of darkness to prey upon us by attacking our soft underbelly...our weakness...

Perhaps your escape is .... or maybe this is where you find release...

most likely this is where you find comfort when the trials of life get to you...
... could be here ...
or the struggle with & constant preoccupation of this... or even the love of .... or worse yet, the pursuit of, with no regard for who gets hurt in the wake...
or maybe the fascination with this...or seeking it outside of marriage...

Whatever, the Prince of Darkness finds that gets you, really all any of it is, is just ...

a hook, a lure, to get us away from the life that Jesus wants to offer us, of the plans for hope and a future in Christ.

Satan creates within us ...

doubt...in those around us, in ourselves, that good can prevail, even in our faith-our foundational belief & trust in God's power over all situations;

fear...of the unknown, of harm, of risk, of stepping off the edge with uncertainty, even of "living";

longing...for better circumstances, for change, for those things we lack in our lives, even just to "let go" of something;

the list goes on...

And if we give in to these things, Satan wins..even if only for awhile. I can picture him just snickering, rubbing his hands together in conspiracy, saying "he-he-he, I got another one!" But this is where his genius turns to stupidity. It is here that his ego has taken over his faith. Yes you heard me, Satan's faith. He, and all his minions, know of God & fear Him. James 2:19 ~ You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that and shudder.

Then, he takes us to court to accuse us before the Throne. To which our Counsel simply says, "Your honor!",

opens his hands palm up, and the gavel comes down with a resounding "FORGIVEN!!"

Call your next case, Counselor (of which, there is a loooong line).

What is it they say about "genius"....it can drive you mad? I guess in this argument, it really is rather an oxymoron.

Even on our best day, abiding by the righteousness God put in our hearts, we're still sinners. We will always fall short! Thank you, Jesus...that when I mess up, when I'm tempted, when I display doubt or fear or longing, YOU are there to strengthen me ... more with each situation I face ... so that we don't even have to appear in court. And thank you, Jesus, for the times that we do, you've already received my sentence. Thank you that you're teaching me how to live instead of simply existing!

To you, my dear, precious Lord and Savior, be all the honor and glory that my life can display!

Praise to You, Lord God!

(photo credit: Santita88)

This picture just personifies how I feel right now. After weeks of uncertainty, fear, and an unbelievable amount of reflection & soul-searching, I finally feel free! And I praise you Lord, God, with tears streaming down my face that I am not facing cancer or surgery. Now perhaps I can sleep through the night without waking in a fit, and not being able to get back to sleep.

And I'm sorry, Lord. You know that trust is hands-down the biggest problem I have. I heard you clearly saying this afternoon, after I got the call from my first doctor, "When are you really going to trust me?" To which I replied, "I do trust you, Lord, but...". To which you immediately cut me off & said, "Yeah, it's that 'but' part you still need to work on!"

I hear you, Lord. And I'm truly sorry. I don't know how to thank you for the promise I started to wonder about - "plans for hope and a future". You do have them for me. I guess I just should have not given in to the despair & doubt & worry, and instead maintained in the forefront (not in the background) that I refused to believe the God I serve who has finally gotten me to the place He's been leading me for 11 years, would allow me to face that kind of struggle without even having the chance to enjoy this place for a little while. But you showed me, just like you always do...again. I'm trying, Father, I am...to trust you implicitly. Forgive me.

But mostly....thank you, Jesus, for helping me to really evaluate my life & those things that matter most. I look forward to what I can do for you. Light my path, and show me the way. I want to live in a way that is pleasing to you, and not about me.

And my dear, dear BB's .... thank you ALL for your kind words and prayers and faith. Your love and encouragement has strengthened me to face whatever I would face. I praise God for all of you as well!

~ Merana

Awaiting with hope...

My dearest BB's (blogging buddies) ~

This week for me has been very challenging, frightening, and emotionally draining. It's testing my faith yet again, but God is faithful. Bear with me, friends. Ya know how when you're simmering a stew or a soup and you add things here and there as needed to build up the flavors so that the finished bowl was well worth the time invested? That's what this post is. This is a long post, I'll grant you, but you will find renewal here by the time you finish.

I spent some time here on Thursday. I needed this...

wish I could have been here as well

(photo credit Jack Freund on flickr)

And I've done a lot of this type of reflection...

(Queen Latifah in "Last Holiday", a movie I highly recommend)

but mostly this....

I admit, that for some time now, I've felt that this is my life ....

that I'm running out of time...mostly to be loved again and to give love - I truly do miss that. But now I'm seeing that the love I'm craving, too, is the kind where I give of myself to others and reach many with what He's trying to say. I feel like I've barely scratched the surface. I've done so much learning to prepare for....for what? I want to do so much more! Not for adulation, but to have someone say "I really needed to hear that today" because their spirit is hurting and they are craving what God gave them through me. Other than raising my boys, that's my purpose...I know it as surely as I sit here. And what a privilege to be His instrument to reach people for Him. I don't want that to end. Does that make me selfish?

Sometimes it even feels more like this....

So, have you ever seen or heard of the "Bucket List"? You know, you make a list of all the things you'd like to do before you kick the bucket. Well, I've done quite a bit of that this week. It's truly remarkable where you see that you place your values. What I've found is that I want to seek out those things that most bring me peace. It's not about what I can attain at this point, it's not about who I can meet, it's not about the need to "do" something. For me, it's about being with those I love most in this world, and seeing places that show His majesty, and bring me to that still, quiet place within myself where I find perfect peace.

(Lake Tahoe - courtesy of travellingboard.net)

(Crater Lake)

(Crater Lake ~ courtesy of skimountaineer.com)

(an Alaskan cruise...)

(...with whale watching...)

(...and bears catching salmon...BUT MOSTLY ....)

(...the auroras!!!)

But mostly, here.....

....here in the Great Smokie Mountains is where I find my most sacred peace. I haven't even been there yet, but, oh how these pictures, flood me with His majesty, warmth, and rest for my soul! I can only imagine what I will find when I actually experience the glory and beauty of His creation with my own eyes.

And I've spent some quality time listening to this glorious song that I truly believe is God speaking right to us...(pardon the commercial at the beginning)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-8ez6dGao8

So...as I await test results to determine the path my life will now lead, I reflect on this picture below. (I'm sorry the picture quality is not that great, but it's the best I could get at the time.) Upon having my lastest test completed, I went to Cracker Barrell (a place I rarely ever eat) and in the gift shop I found this. It is a picture I have always loved, but could never find or afford. I have a loving fascination with trees. And I think I somehow equate this with my life...the lone tree with no other trees around it...(like not having someone significant in my life to share this journey). Anyway, this was the last one on the shelf. Yet another 'God thing' ... where I felt Him saying "it's all going to be ok....I'm with you, you are not alone." This speaks to my very soul.

And as I reflect on what it says, Psalm 46:10 ~ Be still and know that I am God, He reminds me, with a smile to my face, how I used to always (ok, admittedly, sometimes still do) say "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you're God, but when are you gonna....[fill in the blank]", to which He always said "ah, ah, ah....You're NOT BEING STILL!!!" with the finger wagging (I picture it in my head as I type this). I'm finding that learning to be still is a lifelong lesson ... do we ever really learn it? .... I hope one day to master!

Anyway, I don't know how it was that I found this video below & most importantly, this song - other than to say that it's another one of those 'God things'. But please watch it ... and do some reflecting of your own.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2aM4HUbzlo

BB's, I ask you to do this for me, please - I know, within the depths of my being, that God is using this experience for me, to put it into words to wake people up and come to take stock and really "get" what's important in this life. None of us are promised tomorrow. Please link back to this post on your blog. I don't have enough followers for this to make the significant impact I know He's wanting to make, the way that it could with all of your followers to read as well.

Satan wants me to believe that I'm being nothing but a drama queen, but I know different. God's speaking...and I'm listening. Even if all is well...this experience has changed me, and in that...through my words here, I pray God causes a change in you as well!

Always remember...there's a reason the rearview is smaller than the windshield! Always look forward to where God is taking you, with only glances to what's behind.

Blessings ~ Merana

PS - Please visit Charlotte and Ginger at Spiritual Sundays to read inspirational posts &/or link up/share @ www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com