Photo Credits~

(owl:donaldthompson95 on flickr, luna:BillLepidoptera/ on flickr, willow/fence:trensamiro on flickr, all remaining: Merana Leigh)

Psalm 25:4-5

Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths;

guide me in your truth and teach me,

for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long (NIV)

Drench yourself in words unspoken, Live your life with arms wide open,

Today is where your book begins, The rest is still unwritten. ("Unwritten" by Natasha Beddingfield)

It matters not how long we live, but how!

Thursday, September 9, 2010


I have felt an uneasy, discombobulated, restlessness deep within my spirit this week. So much is bouncing around in there, that even with prayer, I'm finding no sense of cohesion. I cannot formulate a thought process from beginning to conclusion. I can't concentrate. Everything is random. I know God wants to say something...but what? I try to gather myself here before you.

I think part of what has me held captive is that lovely "September Blue". I know you know it. Remember that glorious shade of blue the sky held on 9-11-01? I've been blessed to see that a lot this week. And I always get very reflective the week before 9-11. I always spend some time during this week looking through my magazines and a book I got at a yard sale introducing us to know a bit about every person who died that day, with a picture of them. And I always watch the 9-11 documentary that just happened to be being filmed at a fire company when this tragic day occurred. The film captures so much, I'm amazed even after all the times I watch it. I always watch the people in it & wonder, 'did you make it out? did you?' And then to watch what takes place inside the building as they realize it's coming down on top of them. I bawl my eyes out every single time. Now, I know some people will say I shouldn't subject myself to this, but I'm always going to! I'm not trying to be macarbre. I'm not trying to stay focused in the past. But it's my simple way of respecting those people whose lives were changed forever that day, and to honor those who lost their lives. I can't NOT do it. I keep all these things in what I call my "9-11 Box", which, presently, I cannot's been misplaced from recent work I had done on the house. Furthering my sense of restlessness.

So many times in life we find ourselves lost ... or just feeling as if we are lost ... you know, when you feel hopeless, like there's no purpose, nothing makes sense no matter how hard you try to analyze it, there's no clear sense of which direction to head. It's rather like this...

aimless, endless, barren, with storm clouds overhead!

I'm so in love with Michael Buble's song, "Lost", as I've posted before. The lyrics speak right to my soul: Life can show no mercy, it can tear your soul apart, it can make you feel like you've gone crazy but you're not. Things have seemed to change. There's one thing that's still the same. In my heart you have remained. And we can fly, fly, fly away. 'Cause you are not alone. And I am there with you. And we'll get lost together, til the light comes pouring through. 'Cause when you feel like you're done, and the darkness has won. Babe, you're not lost. When the worlds crashing down, and you can't bear the cross, I said, baby, you're not lost! Every time I hear it, I swear I feel like it's the Lord singing it right into my spirit, reassuring my spirit...we are NOT lost!

I associate so much in life with music. I can hear a song & instantly be taken back...the song remembers when. I recently heard a song that always reminds me of one of the stupidest mistakes I've ever made (of which there are many, admittedly). Every time I would hear that song, I'd switch to the next song so I didn't have to deal with the emoutional upheaval hearing it would bring. But this week, as I reached to hit the 'next' button, something stronger held me in place & said, "NO! You need to listen to it this time. You need to stop deflecting & ignoring & burying & hiding. You need to suck it up & deal with the pain this song evokes. But, oh my gosh, is God beautiful & faithful to heal! This time I heard it not from my perspective, but from His. The lyrics he brought to the forefront are poignant: Spinning on another wheel, goin' round in slow motion. You can make a better life, you're just waiting for the right moment. You can find another way, you're just waiting for the right moment. When you gonna reach out, only you can turn your world around. When you gonna let go, and forget about the life you knew. When will you surrender, and wake up to the real. Now you know that it's all borrowed time, and still you waste another day. But you watch and you wait for a sign...all along the way. ("The Right Moment" by Gerry Rafferty)

I believe we all must somehow become lost in order to be found. "Only you can turn your world around" like it says above. We must make the choice to invite Christ in. No one can do it for us. When we're lost, He will light our way. We have that assurance. Isaiah 42:16 ~ I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

Thank you, Father, for taking all the negatives and making them positive...just like you promised you would. But thank you most, Lord God, for extending your hand to take mine and show me the way. May the paths I travel bring comfort to others and reach them in ways that only you know they need. Please just direct me when I'm at the crossroads to take the path you would have me take, light the way for me, and direct my steps. In Jesus' holy, and most precious name. Amen


  1. Hi Merana,

    I can easily identify with what you've shared in this post about feeling lost and alone. Although it has been months now, it doesn't seem that long ago that I found myself crying out to God, "Where are You? Why do You hide from me? Please God, help me!"

    In the midst of my sadness and sorrow, I began to experience the wonder of God's grace and I began to learn that it is sufficient for me, in my weakness God's strength is made perfect.

    I look back on those days, weeks and months and I'm thankful that the Lord carried me through them. I find myself in a season of joy and peace now, and I'm just as thankful.

    When you say, "I believe we all must somehow become lost in order to be found, I sense so much wisdom and truth in that.

    Blessings and peace.


  2. I love what you've shared re. "the" anniversary ... here, I supposed I was the only one to held on to that documentary and memorabilia. I'm saddened that so many people seem to have forgotten .. or, at least shoved the memories aside.

  3. Thinking of you on the day of remembrance of 9/11.

    I often wonder how we would survive life, if it was not for the love and mercy of our heavenly Father. How would we cope if we could not hang on to Him with all our hearts and souls.


  4. Merana, I think that everyone has their own way of dealing with tragedies. There is no wrong or right. I think that if this is in your heart to do each year then it is an amazing tribute to the people who lost their lives, and God bless you for doing this each year.

  5. I tell you the truth, all. I believe God bringing us together here is one of the greatest blessings anyone could have. I cannot even imagine a day of my life without checking in here. Thank you, Father....that altho' we're strangers in reality, really....we are not!

  6. Each person finds there own way to remember and honor people who have died including those who died at the hands of extremists on 9-11. I think that so often we feel life is in our control, but we do not know what a day will bring. Only God does...putting our trust in Him is the only answer...Thank you for sharing your insightful words on feeling lost too.
    God bless.

  7. Merana,
    I stand in agreement with what others have said here. Thank you for such a heartfelt post. God knows what is in our hearts each 9-11. He stands ready to comfort us.

  8. This is a beautiful post Merana really puts a perspective on our day to day lives.

    Thanks for this!

  9. What a beautiful post...It is so easy to forget sacrifices, losses and heroes. Days like the anniversary of 9/11 are important reminders of the importance of life and of being thankful to God for our blessings.
    I have known that lost feeling many times in my life...pray, be still and wait on God. Blessings, Patty

  10. I echo Ginger's words.

    Powerful post. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  11. There are times when we are at a loss and September 11 is one of those days. Thank be to our God that we only feel at a loss as to what to do. We are not lost. I once was lost, but now I'm found. Praise His name forever. God bless you richly. -Bobbi

  12. After reading the other comments, I realize I can't add anything that hasn't already been expressed, but I agree with all of them. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

  13. Good post and good comments. You have an interesting way of writing and it drew me in. I usually do not read a post this long. But this is the second long one I have read today. Maybe I'm learning to be more patient. Thank you for posting.

  14. Merana,
    Thank you for visiting my blog today and leaving your kind comments and prayers. I love meeting new people in blogland and "reading" their hearts in print. As you reflect upon your restlessness, you reflect in good company. Most of us have known these seasons when life turns upside-down, inside-out, and finding our re-alignment with the heart of Jesus is difficult.

    I understand. I've lived it countless times before.

    How thankful I am for the good place I'm at today--a day that finds me in a posture of kneeling grace before the Father knowing that all my restlessness has landed me in the only place that makes sense.

    At his feet.

    I join you there today.


  15. I stand with you remembering the tragedy and praising God for all the wonderful people who make up our great nation. God protect us!

  16. This is my first time visiting your blog and I so enjoyed reading your post. You know, nothing can be found if it isn't lost. There is no find without lose! Aren't we glad the shepherd knows where his sheep are and he can use his shepherds hook to pull us back in. Grace and peace!

  17. Ah yes ... the summons of restlessness. I know it well. I have often been stirred by it. It might arrive with a scent upon the wind, or a song (I'm totally with you in that), a deja vu moment, or a musing.

    Now that I've lived these 62 years, they arrive frequently; and I know it's God's way of summoning me away from the restlessness to His rest. Even so, it sometimes takes time to find my way there.

    Love the sentiments of your heart!



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