Photo Credits~

(owl:donaldthompson95 on flickr, luna:BillLepidoptera/ on flickr, willow/fence:trensamiro on flickr, all remaining: Merana Leigh)

Psalm 25:4-5

Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths;

guide me in your truth and teach me,

for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long (NIV)

Drench yourself in words unspoken, Live your life with arms wide open,

Today is where your book begins, The rest is still unwritten. ("Unwritten" by Natasha Beddingfield)

It matters not how long we live, but how!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

My house

Ok, I confess to being brought to beyond the absolute breaking point in my faith. Not at the end of my rope, but hanging on to the very last thread of that shredded, unraveled rope. It was the worst experience in my life...worse that the death of my mother and of my marriage falling apart at the same time. Ever been to this place?

Several years ago I was praying constantly about a situation in my life. I was so undecided what to do when the Holy Spirit told me to proceed on a certain path. Knowing Satan as I do, I spoke the name of Jesus and commanded Satan to flee as I asked the Lord again if this was the road God wanted me to travel. Now, previously the Holy Spirit told me point blank when I was torn with a decision I was asking for guidance about, was "if you don't have a peace about it, it's not from me". Ok, so in this situation I had that peace...excitement even!

So I traveled down that path. And everything didn't fall apart, or simply not go the way I hoped & planned, it blew up in my face, big time. I was so hurt, so disillusioned, so devastated, so disgusted....and then so mad. I was furious at God and I let Him know it in no uncertain terms. My spirit felt utterly if it was totally disconnected to my part of me just died that day.

I remember being at my friend, Kathleen's, house just sobbing & I just slid down the cabinets into a heap on the floor. I was living a crushed, devastated, destroyed spirit. It was more than just not getting what I wanted to believe was going to happen, what was going to be the best. It was about feeling utterly betrayed and led astray by the one Person I should be able to trust with everything. And I'll tell's a true friend who will turn off dinner on the stove and join you in that heap on the floor, with tears streaming down her face too. (looking back now, I realize that was one of the greatest blessings in the mess of my life! Thank you, dear will never understand what that gesture of your sweet, loving spirit did to carry me through!)

I admit that my faith was gone! I railed at God, "I did what You told me to do and this is what I get in return? This is what believing in You means? It's all a lie. No thanks! I want no part of it or You." So yes...Satan won...he got another one. I have never felt more devastated in my life. Not only did my human side hurt, but my spirit hurt. I understood wailing.

Well, after a few days of yelling at God, or snide comments to Him, it occurred to me, 'why are you still talking to Him if you say you don't believe in Him?' Hmmm??? Why indeed! Well, what I didn't remember...and Satan chose to that the battle is the Lord's, just like 1 Samuel 17:47 tells us.

God spoke right into my broken, devastated heart and told me, "Yes, daughter, I allowed your house of faith to be destroyed just like a tornado will do...
...your house wasn't as strong as you thought it was.

But what's left after you clear the debris?
The foundation. And it is upon that foundation WE are going to build a bigger, and much stronger, house of faith that can withstand the storms much better. He revealed that there is only so much you can try to bury away and keep the doors closed & locked in your spirit of not dealing with issues. You have to deal with everything in life eventually...even when your house is destroyed. So, through shaking uncertainty, I said, "Ok Lord, I'm still really upset with you, but I will help you build."

And, as always, He was right to do it. My house was nowhere near as strong as I thought it was. And it was revealed months later that had I been "successful" in traveling that path....well, let's just say it would have impacted my life in one of the most negative manners I've ever experienced. So, in allowing this devastation, He was really saving me and my children He always does.... and He was building me stronger.

And I admit that several years after that, I had another really bad scrape in my faith. But the house still stood! I had warning signs that I chose to ignore, so I have no one to blame but myself. But it's what finally led to surrender. I still was holding on to "control" of my life (that's just such a misnomer!). But this last time, I finally gave up & complete surrender to His plans for my life. And He has blessed me tremendously!

This blog was born from that. What a blessing this has become in my life with all the lovely friends I have made here. I only pray that some of what I say reaches into your spirits and encourages you with what He knows you need. That is why I'm here. Not for me. But to reach you for Him....sort of as a channel you turn to on the tv that captivates you and speaks right into your soul with what you desperately need to hear. I leave that up to Him. I know He will direct everyone here who needs to read exactly what He wants them to assure them that even through this means....He is with you always!

I know there will be future trials, but for now....I'm praising & reveling in where He's brought me...and fortifying my house with devoted time in Him.

Blessings & love in Him ~ Merana

Please visit Spiritual Sundays for inspiring posts of fellow believers!


  1. What an inspirational post!!! Wow.
    This is so awesome... praise God for using you for His glory.

  2. Hi Merana,

    This post is so thoughtful, encouraging and introspective; an open letter of confession to the Lord.

    I believe the Lord wants each of us to be in that place of true dependency and trust in Him. I know for me personally, the desire to control circumstances or the need to know the plans and results before I step out in faith have always been my undoing.

    I've decided to follow God's plan, even when I don't have a clue about how it will all fit together and work out for my good. Trusting God is a learning process and I'm learning to practice it on a daily basis; hours, minutes, seconds, moments of surrender.

    "He is with you always!" -- What a positive affirmation of the relationship I have with the Living God.

    Blessings and peace.


  3. A wonderful, wonderful message Merana. Thank you for sharing such heartfelt thoughts. For me, your posts are always just what I need to read!

    Hope you and the kids had a nice birthday dinner!!

    love ya,

  4. I've been there...done that...the screaming at God...even daring Him to kill me...really glad He didn't listen. ☺ Funny how the tough stuff makes us strong. You always write from your heart...and it speaks to me everytime I come here.

  5. "I only pray that some of what I say reaches into your spirits and encourages you with what He knows you need."

    It has.
    I wasn't even going to approach the computer today. I'm not much of a weekend blog girl.

    And I wasn't even going to open this up from my blogger page, I confess. I was going to read it later...after the weekend when I was catching up.

    But for whatever reason, this is the only blog that I did open during this little break of mine, and it broke apart my heart like the tornado did to that house in the picture up there.

    I had that circumstance that you describe almost to a "T". It left a very huge scar that I don't even talk about. Only my family and one group of women at a speaking event even know it happened. My Sunday School class doesn't know. Neither does my local Bible study group.

    I don't know why I opened up to that one other particular group of ladies.

    Anyway, you ministered to me with this post.
    I pray continually that I will use what happened to me to God's glory rather than stuff it down in the hurt box. I have yet to do so. You have.

    Thank you so much for your wise words and perspective about my wobbly old house.

  6. Whidbey - thank you. I like what you said "God using ME for His glory"...what a privilege!

    MTJ - as always, your support means the're one of my most valued friends here! Trusting God IS a learning process, you're right. I read on someone else's blog today "Trusting God means never having to know the answer." How true!

    Kathleen - you are the best. I feel more than blessed with our friendship. I only hope I give back to you even a fraction of what you bring to my life! I love you, dear friend!

    Sarah - I'm humbled that I can speak from my heart to yours. You reach me in so many ways with your message of hope! I thank you for that.

    Debbie - It's not an easy process to go thru. I thank the Lord God that you opened my post today, dear one! Let it minister to you. God will be the Master Builder, but you have to let Him. And He can't do it alone. I will be praying for you on this journey. It can't be built until you sweep clean the foundation. Trust Him with it. I PROMISE you WILL come out better on the other side. It sounds like you have a wonderful support group to lean that! I had Kathleen & one other friend who lives far away. Friends are just God's angels He places in our lives. And know that I am always here if you want to e-mail me directly for loving support.

    Hugs & love all ~ Merana

  7. Beautiful and insightful post. Love the idea of God building a stronger me from the foundation up. Blessings~

  8. This post has brought tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way that his ways are not always our ways but his ways are always the best. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  9. Hi Merana!

    I had the exact same story!! My house came crashing down....hurt and frustrated with God...on my knees begging Him to show me who He was...didn't know Him anymore! After time, I healed and was able to see what God was doing. The gal I was thought she had it all together and a little too proud....not anymore. God is good to teach us!! Long road, but like you, I am clay in His hands. :) Right where I should be! :)

    Hugs and so happy to meet you here in blogland! :) Carolyn ~ Cottage Sunshine

  10. What a powerful tool testimony is. Learning from experience is great - but learning from someone else's experience is even better. Your faith withstood the test and your story is such an encouragement. And God bless your faithful Kathleen! Blessings.

  11. What a powerful testimony ... like Charlotte said, this brought tears to my eyes, Merana. I pray this post resonates in soooo many hearts throughout Blogland - and beyond!

  12. what a beautiful, powerful post. thank you for sharing with us...

  13. Merana, Oh! How blessed I am by reading this post of how the Master Carpenter rebuilt your house to with stand the storms of life.You have truly ministered to me today, and I am so glad that you did start blogging because my spirit has been encouraged by Him through you.

  14. Thank-you so much for opening your heart to us. You are blessed that the Lord gave you a friend like Kathleen.I'm always checking to make sure my foundation is as strong as it should be.
    God Bless,

  15. What a beautiful post Merana...and through it you bring such glory to our Lord. Makes me think of the scripture in 1 Corinthians 3 from verse 10.

  16. This is powerful, Merana! Wow...Crying out to God (even at Him)...We can't hide that stuff from Him no matter how hard we try. Choosing to approach Him, messed up, flawed, and crumpled, is far better than holding our head up high acting like there's nothing wrong. Wholeness comes after we experience that brokenness that is spoken so often of in the Psalms.

    Thank you for sharing the pain and the victory. God be praised always!


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