Old Writing #3

The Significance of My Prayers

The human mind cannot even begin to comprehend all that is God.

As I pray, I thank the Lord for His love, His peace, His strength, and His time to listen to lil 'ol me.

Then is dawns on me: "Boy, I'm acting like I'm the only one who exists. I'm communicating with God as if I'm the only one on the phone with Him." I then begin to understand that I am NOT the only one. While He hears me and I sit quietly to hear Him speak with me, I realize He's also communicating with other believers.

He's performing miracles of healing, protection, conception, and birth. He's comforting those who are hurting, both physically and emotionally. He's guiding His children who are lost in the dark. He is welcoming our loved ones home. He is leading people to food and shelter. He's providing a friend in time of need. He is forgiving us our sins. He is opening His heart to those who give their hearts freely to Him.

He is in every conversation. He is creating the day before me, the songs the birds sing, the glorious sunrise, the arching rainbow, the tranquil river's flow, the gentle rain, the warm breeze, or the invigorating cold. He is sending the butterfly to spread its colorful wings as it lands on a fragrant flower.

He is doing all these things and more, while I sit here praying what must seem to Him such a simple prayer. But the thing is, I also realize that I have His undivided attention. Even my most mundane chores matter to Him. He knows the number of hairs on my head (Luke 12:7) and He knew all there was to me before I was even in my mother's womb (Jerremiah 1:5a and Psalm 139:13).

If He can do all these things, as He unconditionally opens His heart to me, how can I possibly not believe that even my most simple prayers aren't already being answered?

Smaller Books of the Bible (Part 1)

I have been reading the smaller books of the Bible lately, having just felt compelled by the Spirit to do so. WOW is all I can say! Ya know those moments in time when you're left awe-struck, speechless, flabbergasted...almost dumbfounded, as it finally registers...you finally "get" it? That's been happening for me in reading these smaller books (of which I will definitely be posting more).

I overslept this a.m., and didn't have time to read my Bible before the rigors of the day set in. But, somehow, I just felt drawn to it, as though a light was eminating from it, and my curious nature had to investigate. Two simple chapters & bam....God pierced my very spirit...not to convict me, but more to claim me further into Him. It was as tho' He's pulled me into one of those "bear hugs" of an embrace...and enlightenment, that apparently has alluded me, is now mine! Tears brimmed my lashes, to spill down my cheek, at how loved I suddenly felt.

Please read Hosea 2, where the header says "Israel Punished & Restored". That's my life written there. Ok, here me out on this. This isn't a confession of adultery as we think of it, but certainly adultery against the Lord. The verses that really got to me said, "...I will make her like a desert, turn her into a parched land, and slay her with thirst." Yes, every avenue I tried was dried up, and I was thirsty for more. Then "Therefore I will block her path..." Check - path blocked (decidedly so!)! Then "She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them." Oh yeah, I looked for someone to share my life with for years, always meeting the wrong type. Then, "She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave..." That's true. I tried to take the credit for it all. Next, "So now I will expose her ... no one will take her out of my hands." And He did just that...except He exposes me, to me! I never saw how much I was struggling trying so desperately to meet someone. I had gone SO long without love, with only negativity, then loneliness, that I was grasping at straws & the caliber of man I would allow myself to settle for was .... ummm, let's just say not good.

Well, after the last incident of yet another winner in the game of Merana's Loserama, I gave up, gave in, said "enough is enough". I gave it to Him. And He has been faithful to teach me so very much in myself that I never saw before. So, as I read "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her." And thus, healing begins. To be followed - "I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD. "In that day I will respond," declares the LORD..."

I know love awaits me at some point. But this time, it will be centered in Christ. God has shown me that I cannot trust myself, because clearly I cannot chose well. He has saved me countless times from mistakes I was about to make. Those "saves" hurt a lot! But what could have happened would have hurt much worse. Not just me, but most especially my children. I rather view it as vaccinations. They hurt like the dickens when you get them, but they protect against a deadly disease. The Lord has indeed led me to the desert to speak to me, with loving admonishment. For now, I rather like it here! I'm lonely at times, certainly. But, He has blessed me so much in this time in the desert that I can clearly see I don't have time in my life right now to share it with someone new...not in the way you need to share with that someone special. So, I'll just wait until He deems the time is right for me, in His time.

But someday, Lord....???? I remain hope-filled....and just dig on these treasures you reveal. Thank you, Father, for knowing & loving me more than I do myself!

Old Writing #2

I share with you now another old writing. I haven't been on here much at all for over a week & have some time (well, not really....but I'm sneaking it anyway!) now to check in on my BB's (bloggin' buddies!). I read one of my favorite places to rest a bit & commented the following, which God told me to share with all of you.

When we ask "what did I do to deserve this?", the Holy Spirit just shared with me, "because I trust you with it". WOW - God trusts me with whatever heartache, challenge, struggle, brokenness I'm facing? YES...so His light can shine all the brighter, and His strength can be made known in my weakness! Take heart, dear ones!!! And remember...you are...ALWAYS ENOUGH

I am always enough in God's eyes:

... even when I feel I can't seem to do anything right
... even when I feel that nobody cares
...even when I look different than others due to scarring, deformity, or handicap
...even when I look at myself with disappointment in the mirror be my size too tall, too short, too thin, or too large
...even when I frequently forget things
...even when I see my gray hairs, or no hair at all
...even when I can't get around as good as I used to
...even when it's harder to hear and to see
...even when I have a dispute with someone I care for
...even when I have problems that seem insurmountable
...even when...well, just "even when"...

I am always enough in His eyes because:

~ I am the shoulder for others to cry on
~ I am the comforting arms to rock a sick or scared child back to sleep, or to kiss away a boo-boo
~ I am here to send an encouarging note when someone feels down in despair
~ I am able to offer a light-hearted laugh when someone simply wants to forget the problems of the world
~ I am what helps make up the loving foundation for a home
~ I am the friend to offer a comforting word or hug when someone so desperate needs it
~ I am the proud parent cheering in the stands
~ I am the one who doesn't even have to say or do anyting at all, but just to "be there"
~ I am the child who carries the legacy of my parent's love that has been given me
~ I am the hand to hold and the ear to listen, not just "hear"

~ And, I am a small extension personifying the Great I AM, simply to serve others for Him...in reverential gratitude for His sacrifice for me.

Old Writing #1

Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light for my path (Psalm 119:105)

You will light my way along unfamiliar paths (Isaiah 42:16)


(photo credit: whitewolfjourneys.com)

I wrote this quite awhile back. God has been putting on my heart to share my writings with the world, and even helped me recently find these, as I had forgotten I even wrote them. He's told me point blank to post these...because someone out there desperately needs what these have to say. And now I know that to be even more true, because Satan has tried all kinds of tricks to keep this from posting (as I'm sitting here putting it all together for the 3rd time in the past hour....but this time with a prayer of protection around it lifted up first!). Be blessed by it, dear friends! ~ Merana


In the darkness Lord, You are the light.

~ Just as the gentle flicker of a candle flame, you penetrate the blackness.

~ In brilliance, you pierce through the obscurity.

~ When I lose my way Lord, You are the lighted windows welcoming me home.

~ You are the firelight where I curl up for warmth & comfort.

~ As I navigate through the channels of life, you are the lighthouse beacon to steer me on my course to reach safe harbor.

~ As I read your Word, your lamplight enlightens me.

~ You are my protective night light to chase away the scary monsters in life.

~ You, Lord God, are the searchlights in the night that reach heavenward to broadcast your love.

~ You are an usher with a flashlight seating me where it is best for me in life’s theater.

~ In emergencies, you are the track lighting on the floor to lead me to the nearest exit where you wait with loving arms.

~ You are the harbor lights, dear Father, leading me ever closer to shore.

~ You show me the brake lights in order that I may stop before harm comes my way.

~ Your neon lights flash “Love Here for the Taking”

~ Abba, You are my stage lights to showcase my talents with which you have blessed me.

~ Your street lights show me the way as I continue on life’s journey.

~ Your headlights are on high beam, to illuminate dark roads traveled, and to share with others the glory of your love.

~ Your light is much more beautiful than the most glorious sunset, Lord – and there is no dimmer.

~ And then you are the bright, quiet beauty of the full moon to fill the night sky.


Thank you Lord, God, for being my lamp and my light. I have found that there is beauty...and peace...and rest in the light!

Praise to You, Lord God!

(photo credit: Santita88)

This picture just personifies how I feel right now. After weeks of uncertainty, fear, and an unbelievable amount of reflection & soul-searching, I finally feel free! And I praise you Lord, God, with tears streaming down my face that I am not facing cancer or surgery. Now perhaps I can sleep through the night without waking in a fit, and not being able to get back to sleep.

And I'm sorry, Lord. You know that trust is hands-down the biggest problem I have. I heard you clearly saying this afternoon, after I got the call from my first doctor, "When are you really going to trust me?" To which I replied, "I do trust you, Lord, but...". To which you immediately cut me off & said, "Yeah, it's that 'but' part you still need to work on!"

I hear you, Lord. And I'm truly sorry. I don't know how to thank you for the promise I started to wonder about - "plans for hope and a future". You do have them for me. I guess I just should have not given in to the despair & doubt & worry, and instead maintained in the forefront (not in the background) that I refused to believe the God I serve who has finally gotten me to the place He's been leading me for 11 years, would allow me to face that kind of struggle without even having the chance to enjoy this place for a little while. But you showed me, just like you always do...again. I'm trying, Father, I am...to trust you implicitly. Forgive me.

But mostly....thank you, Jesus, for helping me to really evaluate my life & those things that matter most. I look forward to what I can do for you. Light my path, and show me the way. I want to live in a way that is pleasing to you, and not about me.

And my dear, dear BB's .... thank you ALL for your kind words and prayers and faith. Your love and encouragement has strengthened me to face whatever I would face. I praise God for all of you as well!

~ Merana

Awaiting with hope...

My dearest BB's (blogging buddies) ~

This week for me has been very challenging, frightening, and emotionally draining. It's testing my faith yet again, but God is faithful. Bear with me, friends. Ya know how when you're simmering a stew or a soup and you add things here and there as needed to build up the flavors so that the finished bowl was well worth the time invested? That's what this post is. This is a long post, I'll grant you, but you will find renewal here by the time you finish.

I spent some time here on Thursday. I needed this...

wish I could have been here as well

(photo credit Jack Freund on flickr)

And I've done a lot of this type of reflection...

(Queen Latifah in "Last Holiday", a movie I highly recommend)

but mostly this....

I admit, that for some time now, I've felt that this is my life ....

that I'm running out of time...mostly to be loved again and to give love - I truly do miss that. But now I'm seeing that the love I'm craving, too, is the kind where I give of myself to others and reach many with what He's trying to say. I feel like I've barely scratched the surface. I've done so much learning to prepare for....for what? I want to do so much more! Not for adulation, but to have someone say "I really needed to hear that today" because their spirit is hurting and they are craving what God gave them through me. Other than raising my boys, that's my purpose...I know it as surely as I sit here. And what a privilege to be His instrument to reach people for Him. I don't want that to end. Does that make me selfish?

Sometimes it even feels more like this....

So, have you ever seen or heard of the "Bucket List"? You know, you make a list of all the things you'd like to do before you kick the bucket. Well, I've done quite a bit of that this week. It's truly remarkable where you see that you place your values. What I've found is that I want to seek out those things that most bring me peace. It's not about what I can attain at this point, it's not about who I can meet, it's not about the need to "do" something. For me, it's about being with those I love most in this world, and seeing places that show His majesty, and bring me to that still, quiet place within myself where I find perfect peace.

(Lake Tahoe - courtesy of travellingboard.net)

(Crater Lake)

(Crater Lake ~ courtesy of skimountaineer.com)

(an Alaskan cruise...)

(...with whale watching...)

(...and bears catching salmon...BUT MOSTLY ....)

(...the auroras!!!)

But mostly, here.....

....here in the Great Smokie Mountains is where I find my most sacred peace. I haven't even been there yet, but, oh how these pictures, flood me with His majesty, warmth, and rest for my soul! I can only imagine what I will find when I actually experience the glory and beauty of His creation with my own eyes.

And I've spent some quality time listening to this glorious song that I truly believe is God speaking right to us...(pardon the commercial at the beginning)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-8ez6dGao8

So...as I await test results to determine the path my life will now lead, I reflect on this picture below. (I'm sorry the picture quality is not that great, but it's the best I could get at the time.) Upon having my lastest test completed, I went to Cracker Barrell (a place I rarely ever eat) and in the gift shop I found this. It is a picture I have always loved, but could never find or afford. I have a loving fascination with trees. And I think I somehow equate this with my life...the lone tree with no other trees around it...(like not having someone significant in my life to share this journey). Anyway, this was the last one on the shelf. Yet another 'God thing' ... where I felt Him saying "it's all going to be ok....I'm with you, you are not alone." This speaks to my very soul.

And as I reflect on what it says, Psalm 46:10 ~ Be still and know that I am God, He reminds me, with a smile to my face, how I used to always (ok, admittedly, sometimes still do) say "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you're God, but when are you gonna....[fill in the blank]", to which He always said "ah, ah, ah....You're NOT BEING STILL!!!" with the finger wagging (I picture it in my head as I type this). I'm finding that learning to be still is a lifelong lesson ... do we ever really learn it? .... I hope one day to master!

Anyway, I don't know how it was that I found this video below & most importantly, this song - other than to say that it's another one of those 'God things'. But please watch it ... and do some reflecting of your own.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2aM4HUbzlo

BB's, I ask you to do this for me, please - I know, within the depths of my being, that God is using this experience for me, to put it into words to wake people up and come to take stock and really "get" what's important in this life. None of us are promised tomorrow. Please link back to this post on your blog. I don't have enough followers for this to make the significant impact I know He's wanting to make, the way that it could with all of your followers to read as well.

Satan wants me to believe that I'm being nothing but a drama queen, but I know different. God's speaking...and I'm listening. Even if all is well...this experience has changed me, and in that...through my words here, I pray God causes a change in you as well!

Always remember...there's a reason the rearview is smaller than the windshield! Always look forward to where God is taking you, with only glances to what's behind.

Blessings ~ Merana

PS - Please visit Charlotte and Ginger at Spiritual Sundays to read inspirational posts &/or link up/share @ www.bloggerspirit.blogspot.com